Open Letter To A Spider

Dear Spider Lurking In My Apartment,

For some time now I have known that you existed.  I even realized that you had a couple of friends who may have helped you weave your web in some tiny, discreet corner of my apartment.  The fact is that I allowed you to stay in my home rent free.  I figure you're not taking up much space, you're a non-smoker and quite frankly if you don't bother me, then I won't bother you.  But you had to cross the line. You bit me in the middle of the night while I was asleep. That was punk move! I had to go  to Urgent Care the next morning!  My leg was swollen in 3 different places and now I'm on medication for a week just to get rid of your nasty spider juice inside of me.  Really spider lurking in my apartment? Really?
Now you have forced me to ignore my Buddhist ways and forget that you are a living, breathing being who is a part of the universe. Instead I am going to hunt you down. I will check every corner, every nook, every cranny looking for you.  When I find you, AND I WILL FIND YOU... It's on! Watch your arachnid back.  I have a can of Raid on standby, and if that doesn't work, I've got a 4 inch stiletto heel with your name all over it!

MDW